Seven Questions With

Seven Questions With… Ray Peacock

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One half of stand up and podcasting duo, Peacock & Gamble, Ray Peacock is mischievous, multi-layered and an expert storyteller. He has appeared on Russell Howard’s Good News and worked as a warm up for shows including Not Going Out and The IT Crowd. He has also recently become one of the favourite presenters of Fubar Radio, regularly working with comedians Ed Gamble and Angela Barnes. Ray will be performing his latest solo stand up show Here Comes Trouble to the Soho Theatre from the 2nd-4th April.
I asked Ray these seven questions to learn a little more about him…

1) Is there too much stuff in the world?

There’s too much stuff in my house, let alone the world. I go a bit obsessive about stuff from time to time and collect things to the point of bursting. The most cathartic thing I’ve ever done was a massive eBay sale in January just gone where I got rid of sooooo much stuff. I basically made a list of stuff in my house that I could remember without seeing it and anything that didn’t make the list went on eBay- it was amazing. I’ve also gotten into a mood where anything that makes me sad is gone- so there were a fair few items purged that way too. I’d strongly advise everyone to do it- hugely freeing. Oh and I learned you can’t put animals on eBay- did you know that? Or people. 

2) What’s the best thing about being in a double act?

I don’t even know if I am any more, I’ve not seen Ed since October! I think we both found at the Fringe last year that we felt a bit lost initially after sharing the Edinburgh stresses for three years on the bounce. The first night we went and had a coffee together and then parted to go to our respective shows- that was heart-breaking- just walking slowly in different directions. We both looked back. So that, I guess, just the company of it. Some of our best shows were when we were looking at each other on stage and smirking when audiences weren’t going for it. When you’re on your own there’s nobody to smirk at when the nights are a struggle. So, yeah, the company. And the sex natch.

Ray Peacock3) Who would you most like to punch?

I get less and less inclined to punch people as I get older. I’m actually a bit more sinister than that, and at any given time I am plotting exhaustive revenge plans on plenty of folk who have crossed me. The last person I would have considered smacking was Jon Gaunt when he came onto Fubar and started attempting to chuck his weight around, but I managed to keep my cool for most of that as he got himself into a tizzie. He was demanding we were sacked (me and Ed) and all this nonsense, but it was a weird one because if he had done even a second of research on who he had picked a fight with then he would have seen that it might be a little more challenging than he anticipated. It was like he had gone into a boxing title match and not even watched a video of who he was up against. Which is always risky as you may get caught with a lethal uppercut and end up on your arse. Which is metaphorically what happened, and also a nice answer given your original question.

4) Do you worry too much?

Not any more, over the last couple of years I’ve got a proper perspective on who and what is actually important to me and it turns out that I’d had all my loyalties in the wrong places- personally and professionally- so I was always worried about how certain situations might impact on other people. When this wasn’t repaid, I got myself to a point where I will literally shrug off anything nowadays, inevitability remains inevitable whether you worry or not. I am being hilarious in this interview don’t you think? I’d definitely go and see my show…

5) What’s your opinion on reality TV?

I was literally typing that I don’t watch it and then I realised that I watch The Undateables and I guess that’s reality TV right? I like that one. I won’t watch any of the Simon Cowell ones, or anything that is a competition. I find those ones very morally ambiguous and I lay the blame for increasingly rude and appallingly behaved live audiences firmly at Cowell’s feet. He has single-handedly authorised disrespectful and prickish audience behaviour to a point of Armageddon and come the revolution he should be first against the wall.

6) What makes comedy exciting for you?

In the last twelve months I’ve had an average running time on my tour show of 2hrs 15 mins (with an interval) – all just me. That’s the most exciting thing in the world to me just now, the idea that I am touring a show where I easily fill the whole thing for that length of time – it would have been unthinkable not long back, and it feels like such a huge achievement. I can remember panicking about filling an hour, and nowadays I panic about getting it down to an hour. At the Soho theatre run I am doing the original fringe show which is 60 mins and I honestly don’t know how that’s going to be possible. Maybe some of that worry is coming back now. No banter- no matter what. I don’t care what your job is.

7) Did you see it?

No, I was busy misbehaving somewhere else. I almost certainly have the better story to tell.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION AND TICKETS FOR RAY PEACOCK’S SOHO THEATRE RUN

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Rod Woodward

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Rod WoodwardRod Woodward is a Welsh stand up comedian with a particular interest in sport, which adds an interesting and ‘niche’ dimension to some of his material. He has supported the likes of Paddy McGuinness and Russell Brand as well having performed at the ITV1 Royal Variety Performance in 2014. Rod will be at performing his latest show The Journey Starts Here at various venues across the UK during May and June 2015.
To learn more about Rod, I asked him these seven questions…

1) Should humans be trying to live longer?

That really depends on what kind of human we’re talking about. Good people should be brightening the world for as long as possible. Badduns should really have the decency to check out at their earliest convenience. In the words of the great Ken Dodd, “I hope to live long enough to see the end of the DFS sale!”

2) Can you knit?

No. But I admire those who can. I read that the world’s longest scarf was knitted in my hometown of Cardiff and measures nearly 34 miles long. How many times would you have to wrap that around your neck?!  By the time you got it on, the winter would be over. I wonder how long the previous record holding scarf was. I have visions of some old woman calling the Guinness Book of Records and saying, “I’ve just knitted what I think could be a record breaking scarf. How long is it? Well it’s from here to Swansea!

3) Why is sport important to you?

My Dad was a sports writer before he retired so I was brought up on sport. He covered soccer and boxing. In boxing, I can never understand why they hug after the fight. Maybe if they did the hug at the start they wouldn’t feel so obliged to try and kill each other. That’s why they get in the ring in their dressing gowns- it’s cause they know they’re going to hospital after the fight. If you look in those kitbags, they’ve got Lucozade and grapes in there. My favourite sport to play is golf thanks to the handicap system where you can be rubbish and still win. Years ago they worried that the term ‘handicap’ was offensive to people with disabilities but they weren’t bothered. They said, “Handicap?! I’m not the one wasting five hours in the pouring rain dressed like a blind pimp!”

4) Do you watch panel shows?

I have stopped watching them as they give me flashbacks to a pilot for a sporting/comedy panel show I was involved with when I had to go head to head with Frank Lampard in a keep-up competition. I was allowed to use a football and Frank beat me… with a pickled onion!!!  I am still in therapy over it.

5) Would you say you’re a brave person?

You never know how you will react to a proper fright until you get one. The other day my wife told me she was staying at her friend’s house overnight but changed her mind and decided to go home. When I got back from a gig very late, the house was in darkness and I assumed my wife was out like she’d originally told me. Little did I know she was hiding inside the darkness. She waited for me to turn on the lights, make myself some tea and toast, switch on the TV and start flicking through the channels. Then she jumped out from behind the sofa and shouted “BOO!”. Embarrassingly, my spontaneous reaction was to throw the tray in the air and scream “GET AWAY!” I don’t know what effect I thought the ‘GET AWAY’ would have. As if an actual intruder would say, “No, fair play you are right… I shouldn’t be in here really.”

6) Which person on the planet scares you the most?

My wife (see previous answer. Incidents like that one are becoming a regular occurrence which makes me think she must have me insured to the back teeth). Last night she woke me up with a start and told me there was a noise downstairs and that I should go and investigate and flick the kettle on while I was downstairs. “Arm yourself,” she said handing me a backscratcher with a plastic hand on the end. “Great! If there is someone in the house let’s hope he’s an itchy burglar!”

7) Which comedian working today is the most admirable for you?

I am a huge fan of Jerry Seinfeld and was lucky enough to see him live at the O2 arena.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT ROD WOODWARD’S 2015 UK TOUR

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Roisin Conaty

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Roisin Conaty is a stand up comedian, actress and writer. With her optimistic outlook and often silly sense of humour, Roisin is one of those comics that makes you feel happier, which is so much more than just making you laugh. She plays the hilarious layabout, Jo, in the fantastic sitcom Man Down, which will return this year (starring Greg Davies and the late Rik Mayall) and also wrote and starred in her own pilot GameFace. As well as this, Roisin is currently filming for a new comedy series, Taskmaster, which will be fronted by Greg Davies and Alex Horne.
To learn more about Roisin, I asked her these seven questions…

1) What makes you laugh?

Everything. Eventually. Life is pretty ridiculous really, I mean, we are spinning in a ball in space. Any part of it slowed down, held up and examined is equally beautiful, tedious, painful and funny.

2) How good are your timekeeping skills?

Ooof awful. It honestly feels like minutes sneak away from me, out of my pockets, under the door. They leave in groups of 10, silently, hiding my phone/shoe/keys on their way. The bastards. Then sometimes they have the audacity to show up when they are not needed, all pissed and slow, like when I am waiting for a night bus or dominoes to open.

3) What one thing could you not live without?

The brilliant work of other women who ensure my safety, my rights, my voice. Women who have worked and continue to work tirelessly for progress and equality. Women who put themselves above the parapet, so they are seen and heard. The brilliantly funny and supportive women in stand up comedy who I need for inspiration. They are my sisters in arms. Basically women… oh yeah and men for kissing and sexing and stuff.

Roisin Conaty4) Do people talk too much?

No, sharing our stories & communicating with each other is how we feel connected. I think ultimately that’s all humans want, to feel connected to someone or something. It’s the motivation behind everything. Good and bad. Small talk is something I find hard, I think a lot of comics do. It has all the hallmarks of connection but you feel drained and deflated at the end. A really honest, intimate conversation about your fears, ideas, hopes and experiences with a mate can be better than a holiday in my experience.

Also, women speak on average 10,000 more words a day than men and I think that must be one of the reasons why we are not as violent… it’s a shame a lot of those 10,000 words are just us repeating ourselves, as men pretend they didn’t hear our great ideas the first time.

5) Would you eat insects for money?

No… well, how much money?… No… well, unless there were condiments involved. Boy, do I love a condiment. I have the best condiment selection I have ever seen.

6) What irritates you most?

Pomposity & shit pillows. Wait, that sounds like the title of a rubbish indie film, I mean separately. Pomposity in people and shit pillows wherever I seem to stay… Don’t get me started on shit pillows.

7) If you stopped working in comedy, what would you do next?

Country and western singer. DONE.

WATCH ROISIN’S COMEDY PILOT: GAMEFACE ON 4OD

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Rob Auton

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Rob Auton

Photo: Julian Ward

Rob Auton is truly one of a kind. He performs comedy, writes poetry, and is even an incredible painter. He once wrote an entire show based around the colour yellow which shows just how different his approach to the performing arts is. Auton plays with metaphorical concepts as though they are physical things, which opens up a whole new realm of incredibly thoughtful comedy. If comedy is to be considered an art form, Rob Auton is truly one of its leading young artists.
I asked Rob these seven questions to learn a little more about him…

1) When did you first encounter comedy?

I can’t remember. I guess it was when I was little I must have laughed at something. It was probably something such as a dog existing. Or the sun. Stuff like that was hilarious to me. Still is really. Comedy has to be something you find funny doesn’t it? I remember when I was about 5 or 6  I had a bike that was black and it was called a Raleigh Wildcat. It had a sound effects box on the front. In the village where I grew up there always used to be this old man called Bill who stood at his gate, when I went down the street pressing the sound effects he would shout “The Daleks are coming.” It isn’t that funny now but when I was a child I would nearly fall off my bike from laughing at him because I really believed he thought I was a Dalek.

2) Where in the world would you never go?

Paintballing in the snow near Newcastle. I went paintballing in the snow near Newcastle once and I remember looking down at my hand and it was dripping blood onto the snow. Someone had shot me from close range and the paintball had cut my hand somehow.  The paint from the paintball was mixing with the blood so it was like some sort of crap Damien Hirst spin painting that hadn’t been spun yet.  I would never go there again.  I always give the enthusiastic guys at the camouflage netted tables in shopping centres a wide birth when I see them.

3) Do you have any weird talents?

I’m quite good at making scrambled eggs in a pan in a kitchen and chicken drumsticks outside on the barbecue. What came first the scrambled eggs in a pan in a kitchen or the chicken drumsticks outside on the barbecue? I’ll start with the scrambled eggs. I don’t want to tell people how to suck scrambled eggs but the key for me is loads of butter in a pan, really low heat, put the eggs in and stir it for ages (3-4 days) put in loads of salt and pepper and take it off the heat before it is cooked as it keeps cooking on its own. With regard to chicken drummers on the barbecue the key is to get loads of that division one pepper powder. What is that stuff? The stuff that has been ground down into dust and put that on until you’ve got enough on and then put more on and then put salt on in the same way. Basically so the chicken drummer looks like a chicken drummer that you’ve dropped on a beach and the beach is made from salt and pepper. Quite a chicken themed answer that I’m afraid, sorry to the none chicken eaters. You can use the same techniques with any food really.

4) Something you wish you believe in?

Magic tricks. I would love it if a person could be sawn in half and then put back together and be perfectly fine.

5) What is the best item in a sweet shop?

The chewy bits in the middle of Cola Cubes.

6) Does being a comedian feel strange to you?

I don’t know what I am but whatever it is it feels strange sometimes yes. If you are calling me a comedian then yes it does feel strange to be called that. The idea of doing gigs feels strange but when I get up on stage and just try to say my piece it doesn’t feel strange to me at all. It feels good for me to try and get my ideas out of me and into other people.  Sharing them to see if other people like them or not. If I have an idea and it makes me laugh and I say it on stage and other people laugh at it too then it makes me feel like I am part of something and not completely crazy.

7) What kind of people do you surround yourself with?

It is very rare that I am ever surrounded but I try to spend time with people who aren’t going to walk past a fish tank without looking in.

ROB AUTON’S SHOW: THE FACE SHOW IS AT THE SOHO THEATRE FROM 5TH-7TH MARCH. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE SHOW, THE WEEKLY STAND UP POETRY NIGHT HE RUNS AND HIS BOOK.

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Tiff Stevenson

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Tiff StevensonTiff Stevenson is a very diverse stand up comedian, actor and writer who also runs the Old Rope new material night at The Phoenix in London. In recent times, you may have seen her on shows like Never Mind The Buzzcocks and Mock The Week, and she’s even performed at the Hammersmith Apollo in 2011 for the final of ITV’s Show Me The Funny. Tiff is currently touring her latest show Optimist, where she discusses the harsh realities of adulthood while also trying to dissect her own personal outlook on the world.
I asked her these seven questions to delve a little deeper…

1) What is the strangest thing you’ve ever done?

It would be easier to ask me the least strange. Most of them in a professional capacity. Over time I have been a tequila shot girl, club podium dancer, street theatre performer, promo person, snogged Finchy from The Office (during an episode not just a random lunge), was the lead in a Dizzee Rascal video, I ran around the streets of Liverpool with Ellie Taylor searching for women called Michelle and I once swam with sharks during the Edinburgh fringe… actual sharks not Kate Copstick.

2) Do you attempt New Year’s Resolutions?

Attempt would be the best description. To be honest I’m on a self improvement jag most of the time 

3) What is the best gigging experience you’ve ever had?

Ok a few so here goes:

Reading Festival 2013 & 2014 – just my perfect crowd really. Young people with a dark/outsider slant and discerning older people with great taste in music. Full tent of 3,500 people. Leeds is often great too but Reading pips it. Also, playing places like the Apollo are pretty great as the laughter comes back at you in waves.

In terms of small intimate rooms then The Phoenix in Cavendish Sq is the nuts. It is where I run Old Rope every Monday, it’s absolutely the best comedy room and I’ve had some of my best gigs in there. So many! I did the Melbourne Comedy Roadshow and some of the theatres there are amazing, you are on a mixed bill with other great performers. Also Hannibal Buress runs a room at The Knitting Factory in Brooklyn which is pretty hard to beat.

4) Which animal would be the worst pet?

A human called Tiff Stevenson. She would wear all your clothes and shit all over the carpet, but then she would do a funny joke and you’d have to forgive her.

5) What is the best thing to do on a Sunday?

Sunday morning is spent reflecting on how funny you are. Normally an hour or so in the mirror saying things like ‘You are the best’ and ‘Who wants a British Comedy Award anyway?’.

Then 4 hours of comedic sit-ups which is basically watching marathons of Buffy, Supernatural or this new show called Friends… don’t know if you’ve heard of it? It’s about 6 friends who live in New York and meet up in a coffee shop. It’s a period piece where they all dress in 90’s clothes.

Sunday evening is spent shouting at the cat and my boyfriend then sticking my fingers up to Nike by wearing their ‘Just Do It’ leggings whilst sitting on the sofa doing absolutely cock all.

Sunday late evening – I try to sleep then inevitably get all my joke ideas so stay up till 3am.

6) What is the best thing about being alive?

Serving my cat, I am merely a slave to his demands. Occasionally he rewards me by leaving a sick on the carpet or bringing in a pigeon that he has murdered.

7) Do you have any advice for new comedians?

Go buy tickets to see Tiff Stevenson on tour and you will learn everything you need to know. Also write, write more and get stage time.

TIFF STEVENSON’S SHOW: OPTIMIST WILL BE AT THE SOHO THEATRE FROM THE 25TH- 28TH FEBRUARY

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Phil Wang

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Phil WangPhil Wang is a very interesting stand up comedian who combines a calm, almost sedentary delivery with sharp, uncompromising wit. Phil’s Chinese-Malaysian heritage adds another dimension to his anecdotes, which, teamed with his “astute” observations (and insightful comments on them), shows that this self-proclaimed nerd is only just getting started.
I asked Phil these seven questions to learn a little more about him…

1) What’s your favourite word?

“Yuck”. My mum says it a lot and it reminds me of her. The silly old girl.

2) Do you prefer being alone or with people?

I prefer being alone, typing answers to interview questions I’ve been emailed. It’s my favourite form of communication. I can take as much time as I like (before the deadline), and no one complains if I’m naked. At least I can’t hear them because I’ve got my headphones in and they can’t shout in a library.

3) If you could support any comedian on tour, who would it be?

Physically: James Acaster. He doesn’t look too heavy.

Morally: Andrew Lawrence. He seems to be going through a lot of stuff right now.

On tour: Fin Taylor. We are soul mates, cursed by our opposing sexualities to never fully consolidate our beautiful union. But our service station chat is top notch.

4) Do you have any superstitions?

I’m the only person who thinks 7 is an unlucky number.

5) When is the best age to die?

110. That way it’s obvious you gave life your all. Or maybe 101, being the largest realistic palindrome to achieve.

6) Do you want your comedy to provoke people?

Yes. Provoke them to come to more of my shows.

7) What would you do if you could do anything?

Add another fucking question you maniac are you trying to kill us??

PHIL WANG WILL PERFORM HIS STAND UP SHOW: MELLOW YELLOW AT THE SOHO THEATRE ON THE 23RD AND 24TH FEBRUARY

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Gus The Fox

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WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT AND VERY STRONG LANGUAGE.

You may have come across this foul-mouthed fox on Twitter, or heard of him through recommendations from Noel Fielding, or even seen him going through your bins. When he’s not harassing members of the public, he enjoys upsetting animals, visiting his friend, Cwis Packham, and a little arts and crafts. Gus is the most flawed little creature, but you have to love him a bit.
I offered Gus some therapy in the form of these seven questions…

1) Meanest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Considering people say all sorts of fucked up shit to me every five minutes, that’s a pretty tough one. It’s weird that these days everyone seems to be knocking about with foxes knitted onto their jumpers and campaigning against us getting fucking murdered by Boris Johnson and such, but whenever I seem to meet anyone when I’m out and about, it’s absolute fucking carnage. I suspect I get treated like horse shit because I look like the result of what would happen if you covered Dean Gaffney in bacon and rolled him down a hill in a barrel full of tampons. People are always kicking me and calling me a revolting little bollocks and I guess when you’re a fox that’s just par for the course. The other day an old lady was watching me wandering about her back garden and I sneezed and all this grey sort of juice came out of my eyes and she threw a tin of pilchards at me and called me a rotten cunt before she was sick on her cat, which was actually pretty funny.

I suppose the meanest thing anyone ever said to me was the absolute tirade of of insults my own dished out on me after they found out that I fucked and killed my own gran. That was an awkward Christmas.

Gus the Fox

© Gus the Fox

2) Who is your favourite person?

I don’t really like most people. I’m not exactly what you’d call a ‘people person’. I quite like Cwis Packham because he invites me over to his bungalow to watch porn and eat Jaffa Cakes. The other day I was over there and Cwis thought it would be funny to nail me to a cross in his back garden and then he invited Adrian Chiles and Frankie from The Saturdays over to spray paint me gold and then they FedEx’ed me to Nicholas Serota and tried to submit me as an early entry to the Turner Prize, so he’s a hardly a fucking saint. Despite the fact that it was the single most painful experience that I’ve ever had to endure it was also a complete waste of fucking time because I ended up looking like a shit Jeff Koons rip-off.

I also like Victoria Coren Mitchell because she’s got two human penises and she showed me them and trusted me not to tell anyone. That’s a huge amount of trust and the sign of a true friend. I’m probably one of the only people to ever see her naked and it’s such a baffling and confusing sight that it makes you feel a little bit giddy.

3) Do you believe there is an afterlife?

Religion’s a funny one. It sort of feels like the whole thing would be redundant by now and everyone would just grow up and stop talking shit but even in this age of enlightenment it feels like there’s still a wave of resurgence and it never goes away. As a fox I was brought up to follow The Mighty Slug but I’m starting to have serious reservations that a slug that was born in 1992 can possibly be the creator of all things. For one thing there’s loads of evidence to suggest that there was life prior to 1992. You only need to have a vague knowledge of Slade and the invention of washing machines to realise that the universe must be more than 23 years old.

I don’t know. Faith is powerful tool. It seems that everyone has their own agenda. I’m always a bit wary of agnosticism. It strikes me that that if you sort of possibly believe that there might be a place that you go to for the rest of eternity after you die it might be a good idea to fucking knuckle down and do some research instead of wasting your life going to Lazer Quest and taking photographs about your dinner on Instagram. Seems like quite an important thing not to be giving your wholehearted attention to.

I hope there is an afterlife because I’ve been watching my cousin, Ian Bannister, slowly decomposing on the side of the North circular ring road for the past few weeks and if that’s how this stupid little life ends for us all then it’s not ideal. He’s got a family of centipedes living in his lifeless, truncated rectum at the moment which isn’t that much of a laugh.

In short, I doubt there’s an afterlife unfortunately. Not least because the term ‘afterlife’ is, in itself an oxymoron and a paradigm. Just because you want something to exist doesn’t make it so. I’m pretending I’m eating a roast dinner at the moment but it’s actually just some soil. Pretending you want something that’s better than what you’ve got might make things slightly easier but it doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

Gus the Fox

© Gus the Fox

4) Something that makes you sad?

Lenny Henry.

5) Are you wise?

Last night I drank loads of WD40 and got so messed up that ate my own testicles in an attempt to make a duck laugh, so I probably wouldn’t say that I’m ‘wise’ exactly. Having said that, I’m probably not as fucking stupid as some of my dickhead mates though. The other day my mate Liam Flint (a frog I know with alopecia) accidentally sold himself into some sort of horrible sex trafficking operation. I don’t know how you even do that to yourself by accident. What a div.

My mate Sexy Chris is a right plum as well. A few years ago he read some stupid Chinese proverb that he found in a fortune cookie or some shit and it said something about ‘building a nest inside your own mind’ which he took literally like some sort of enormous feathery cock. Anyway he spent the next few days shoving all these sticks and bits of fluff into his own head. Just cramming it all into his ears and up his nose until his head was the size of basketball ball and started looking like Alan Sugar with Bell’s Palsy. Anyway he had a seizure and now there’s something wring with his brain because he says that every time he blinks it feels like he’s trapped inside a small box for about 3 weeks. He spends about 90% of the time crying these days which is pretty funny.

Sexy Chris

© Gus the Fox

6) Do you ever feel lonely?

I sometimes do in the winter but during the Spring and Summer months there’s usually loads of wasps and bees knocking about so I’m usually pretty happy with that. If I ever get lonely I’ll usually get married to a moth. I’ve been married to 789 moths to date and I’ve eaten every single one. There’s not many people who can say that… even Martin Clunes has only been married to 4 or 5.

7) What would you eat for your last ever meal?

I was given a ‘last meal’ once before when I got abducted by Tim Henman and he bundled me into his van. He took me into his garage and chained me to his Police Acadamy 7 (Mission to Moscow) pinball machine and held a gun to my head and made me watch him perform a play he’d written about Bombay mix. He made me choose my last meal and I went for the Bombay mix because, in all fairness, it was a captivating performance and quite a good play.

Before he could execute me Henman tripped over and blew his own head off. I was well surprised that that never got in any of the papers.

Follow Gus The Fox on Twitter and visit his website for more information about his book.

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Kim Noble

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Kim Noble has played a part in many brilliant sitcoms over the years, including playing Doctor Jim in Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace; you may even recognise him as the bipolar flag from series one of Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy. With stand up shows that blend humour, filmography and themes that are too often regarded as “taboo”, Noble makes it his art to divide the public and spark controversy, which is exactly what comedy needs in order to thrive. His material is often incredibly dark and wicked, his delivery fluctuating from lethargic, to frantic, to furious; Kim Noble is a comedian who goes beyond the realms of our constructed normality, and does so with pleasure.
In order to find out a little more about him, I asked Kim these seven questions…

1) If you could smash anything with a hammer, what would it be?

A goat. Straight betwixt the eyes. You know. In that sweet spot. Man! And when you land it just right there’s nothing better.

2) What book should everyone read?

My book. 

Buy it here on Amazon:

(I haven’t provided the link because I haven’t actually written a book… well I did but the publisher basically said it was shit… he didn’t like my obsession with goat massacres) but if you want a book, you can pop round and take one from my shelf.

3) Something that you wish you had invented?

The wheel. I mean it’s just a really good bit of design and useful to boot. that or the Henry Hoover. Like the wheel: useful and good design.

Kim Noble

4) What is the hardest aspect of your profession?

People think it’s just sex sex sex sex. Constant sex. On tap. 24/7. Sex. Morning noon and night. Sex. Constant fucking. Hardcore filthy sex. Non stop sex. But it isn’t like that at all! Trust me. It’s the opposite.

5) Who is your favourite person from history?

Anyone with a nice smile.

6) Who is your favourite comedian to work with?

Mostly they are wankers so I don’t.

Fielding: idiot, Kearns: nonce, Munnery: nonce, Christie: (don’t know), Key: nonce, Meeton: paedo, Simmons: dick head, Tate: fucken bitch.

Etc etc etc.

7) Why did you do it? (make of this question what you will)

Do you want to go for a drink?

Follow Kim Noble on Twitter and check out his hilarious Youtube channel

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SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Elf Lyons

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Elf Lyons is vibrant and uncompromising; a woman of the people with a warm, friendly charm. This lady was clearly born to perform, and not just in a public speaking sense, but in an extravagant and physical style of comedy that few seem to be creating these days. Elf, who’s comedy is often compared to that of Noel Fielding, hits London in early February with her new show, Being Barbarella. If you need energising, or just want some new talent to watch, check out this refreshingly real and exhilarating performer.
I asked Elf these seven questions to learn a little more about her…

1) What is the first thing you think of every morning?

More often than not my thought process in the morning tends to go like this: First, “Why is the woman upstairs vacuuming at 6am?”, secondly; “I’m never drinking three bottles of Prosecco again,”  then, “How did I get home?”, then, “Please God let there be coffee in the kitchen”, then, “I should probably go to the gym and think about what I’ve done with my life”, then finally ‘NO. Bad idea. I’ll just eat a croissant in bed and write a new bit of material instead. WISE”, followed by “WHY IS SHE STILL VACUUMING??”

However, if I am being a normal adult woman (which is what I am 99% of the time because I am very mature) I tend to wake up every day around 7.30am, turn to my left, look at the ‘To-Do List’ I write religiously the night before (just before I go to sleep usually- this is one of the great superpowers OCD gives you: ‘uber organisation’) and follow/complete the to-does I’ve set myself. It always starts with the first point: ‘WAKE UP’ and then ‘GET COFFEE’. If I can get all the admin-rubbish done as early as possible in the day, it gives me more time to be creative and make work for the rest of the day. And go to the cinema.

Photo: Pippa Moyle

Photo: Pippa Moyle

2) What was your favourite subject at school?

Art. I used to draw all my teachers in class, used to make up characters in my head and I was obsessed with Pastels and making a mess. Also, you were allowed to listen to the RADIO in class! #winning. I am so at peace when I am drawing – I used to sketch lots of comics live when I first started and am proud to say I have a lovely lil drawing of James Acaster from 2010 in my journal at home!

When I was life-drawing I used to listen to comedy podcasts on my iPod. However, my teacher had to ask me to stop listening to them when I was drawing. When I asked why, he explained that I kept on laughing randomly during the sessions and it was making Miles, our life model, very nervous. He thought I was laughing manically at him and his flaccid member, however, I had to explain I wasn’t laughing as his naked body but was in was in fact giggling at the comedy of The Mighty Boosh. Easy misunderstanding.

When I left Uni I ended up getting a job as a life-model. Most of my parent’s friends didn’t know what that was, so I just told them I was a ‘lazy stripper’. My parents were thrilled.

3) Something that you’re afraid of?

Seals. I am terrified of seals. They are the underwater equivalent of Samara from The Ring and look like the type of animal Hades would keep as a pet in the Underworld. Big fat blubbery demetor mammals with eyes like black snooker balls. THERE IS NOTHING CUTE ABOUT THOSE EYES. THOSE ARE THE EYES OF A PSYCOPATH. I have no problem with seals being eaten by sharks. I tried to explain this to a man I met on the tube once. He moved seats.

4) What is the worst month of the year?

I’m gonna be blunt and say that March is pretty pointless. I personally think we have too many months with 31 days anyway and I’d argue that March could possibly just get cut and we could double up and have a 61 day June – as June is the absolute best. Although we have international ‘Save a Spider Day’ on March 14th, I’d go so far to say this is the only redeeming feature of March. March is named after Mars who was the Roman God of War, and next to seals, I absolutely hate war and I don’t think we should have a month that encourages it. Also if you were born in March, chances are you are either an Aries or Pisces and as a Gemini (again, June is the best) I have never had a successful Tinder date with either.

5) Who is your comedy hero?

My dad. He’s always saying very funny, dry jokes. For example, when I ask him, “Hey dad! Do you love me?”, he always replies with the phrase, “What are the choices?”. Never gets old. Never.

He was born in March.

Other than that, my comedy heroes have always been Dave Allen, Emo Phillips, Noel Fielding and French & Saunders.

6) What’s your opinion on celebrity culture?

I can’t wait to be a part of it. If it helps one get a ‘Black Nandos’ card to eat free in my favourite chicken establishment or be able to get 35687,0000000 likes on Instagram for a picture of my puppy, Khaleesi, I am all for it.  Also, by ‘celebrity culture’ I assume you also mean the other western translation meaning ‘Kim Kardashian’s bottom?”. That is a very important part of celebrity culture, and I’d argue to some extent a global issue. Any woman that can happily risk balancing a bottle of expensive champagne (or Prosecco, she may be on a budget) on her oiled posterior all for the sake of breaking the internet (very important issue right now) gets a high five from me. Mainly because if there is one thing I think that is lacking at the moment, it is highly suggestive and sexualised imagery of powerful women doing impractical things with kitchen appliances and home goods! AM I RIGHT LADIES???

7) What would you like people to take away from your comedy?

A chair. Chairs at comedy gigs are often very comfortable and if you enjoyed the gig i think it’s wise to take* the chair you laughed in home with you, so you can sit in and go “ah, this is my fun chair”.

A memory. The type of memory that one can sit and think about fondly in one’s fun chair and go “Ah… that was a fun gig.”

A picture of my face. Like a religious memento, that one can look upon and cry fondly over.

*some would say ‘steal’.

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SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…