Seven Questions With…

Seven Questions With… Chris Chopping

Leave a Comment

© Michelle Huggleston

Stand-up comic and regular MC Chris Chopping has recently been performing his second hour of comedy, Chris Chopping’s Lonely Hearts Club Band at the Edinburgh Festival. Having previously been a semi-finalist of So You Think You’re Funny, this engaging performer is producing comedy that is smart and unpredictable – definitely worth keeping an eye on him.
I asked Chris these seven questions to find out more…

1) How did your career in comedy begin?

When I was growing up stand up comedy didn’t seem like a thing real people could do. There were no comedy clubs near me so comedians were these people who existed exclusively on home video and had a new tour show out for Christmas every year. It was years later I got a job at a comedy club in Cardiff and realised you didn’t have to start out with a full hour. Having not really set the world of retail or call centres alight I thought I might as well have a crack at the dream job.

2) What’s something you used to hate that you now love?

Recently my parents took me out for dinner and my mum tried to persuade me to eat courgette. I’m 31. I’m too old for these conversations. I think if I had refused I wouldn’t have been allowed pudding. So I tried it, it was deep fried and delicious. Love would be a strong word. I used to hate courgette, now I regard it with a healthy scepticism. 

3) What is the most difficult aspect of writing and performing stand-up, for you?

I’t took me a long time to start writing more and replacing my material frequently enough. When I started other comedians would talk about getting bored of their material. I worked in a call centre reciting the same script over and over all day for two years. In comedy I was performing a script I’d written myself at most once a day and being rewarded with laughter and approval instead of people swearing and hanging up. I never got bored but sometimes boredom is a good motivator.

4) Do you have a good memory?

No I have a terrible memory. I don’t even remember where I live. If you were staying at my house and I met you at the station we’d be walking for about 45 minutes before you asked, “how much further now?” And I realised I’d been following you the whole time. Is that what you asked? I don’t remember.

5) Which year of your life has been the best so far?

When I was eight, that was pretty good. I lived next door to my best friend and for my birthday I got Ring Raiders. Airplanes that you wore attached to your fingers via a plastic ring and a translucent plastic pole. It was a simpler time. They came with a VHS cassette with a cartoon of their adventures. That’s got to be hard to beat, year wise.

6) What one person would you be most afraid to meet?

I’d be terrified to meet my younger self. He’d be delighted I was doing stand up comedy but I feel like he’d find my life wanting in other crucial areas. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he finds out I ate courgette for example.

7) Where would you like to be in six months time?

I’d like to be the new face of the £50 note with the film of my show Chris Chopping’s Lonely Hearts Club Band being made part of the national curriculum having rocketed me to national treasure status. Realistically, best case scenario I’ll be in Gloucester services buying some sort of gourmet pie.

For more information, visit Chris Chopping’s website and follow him on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Great British Mysteries

Leave a Comment

© Michael Shelford

Great British Mysteries is the historical comedy duo made up of Olive and Teddy (played by Rose Robinson and Will Close), who are returning to the Edinburgh Festival this year with their second show: 1599?. Self-described as ‘Woman in Black meets Key Stage 2 Tudor history’, this silly investigation into various perplexing mysteries will leave you wishing you were a detective yourself, or perhaps not.
I asked Will Close from Great British Mysteries these seven questions to find out more about the pair…

1) How did you come to form Great British Mysteries?

‘Great British Mysteries’ began life when we were away on tour with the 1927 show, ‘Golem’, which we were involved with for about two and half years. We did a lot of shows and a lot of travelling and during that time started kicking around an idea for this odd character comedy piece. When we came back, we got Joe Hancock involved as Director/Technical Master/Overlord and then it became quite a productive trio. We’d all done or been involved in comedy before and have known each other a long time so it was a natural fit.

2) What is the biggest mystery you’ve ever encountered?

Well we are mystery geeks so that’s a tricky question. My favourites to read about are probably Nessie, the Yeti and Sea Serpents of all guises. Although, I am quite fond of Mokele-mbembe who are supposedly a species of dinosaur still alive and well in the Congo. Real-life ones on the other hand, that’s probably less exciting… What will become of my student loan? That’s currently baffling mystery hunters everywhere.

3) What makes you laugh the most?

Very hard. I love Richard Ayoade, Matt Berry, Limmy and the list goes on and on and on. My best friend Tim who is a prawn farmer in Canada also makes me laugh, but for different reasons. I mean, he’s a prawn farmer in Canada. That’s gold.

4) Do you like going to the cinema?

I do but I’m not very good at getting it into my routine. Joe and Rose go more. I always book for anything fantasy related – dwarves, elves, dragons and I’m there. But I tend to forget the rest of the time. I have a PictureHouse membership but I just use it as a means of getting slightly reduced popcorn.

5) What is your best Christmas memory?

Ooh, I think they are always best when you’re young. The year we got a Nintendo 64 is hard to top. I saw this large box under the tree on about the 10th of December and then that was it. I couldn’t sleep with excitement; ‘Is it?’, ‘Isn’t it?’, ‘Maybe it’s just more handkerchiefs from my Grandma in a very large box.’ The actual moment the anticipation broke on Christmas morning; I can’t even recall. It was a blur. Mario 64 was seared onto my eyelids for months afterwards.

6) What is the biggest onstage disaster you’ve ever had?

I don’t think there’s ever been anything too disastrous. In a funny way, when something backfires or doesn’t work it can actually create quite a fun vibe. We were doing Golem in Manchester once and the screen (which is completely integral to the whole show) just switched off. Gone. No more films. I was playing drums and doing a live score of the action but then it just vanished. Me and the pianist just jammed out for fifteen minutes and then it came back. I think the audience quite enjoyed it. At least, that’s what I tell myself.

7) What is your most obscure achievement?

I can make an elephant with my hands. It’s nothing perverse, I just bend my fingers into odd shapes… Oh, and I’m tragically good at FIFA. A misspent youth… But at least I know about Mokele-mbembe.

GET YOUR TICKETS FOR ‘GREAT BRITISH MYSTERIES: 1599?’ HERE

Seven Questions With… Lorna Shaw (Ava Rage)

Leave a Comment
Ava Rage is a character played by comedian and actress Lorna Shaw. ‘Born out of an existential crisis’, Ava is a force to be reckoned with; she’s loud, musical and extravagant. The show, ‘Ava Rage’ will be at the Brighton Fringe from the 3rd-5th May and tickets are available here.
To find out more, I asked Lorna these seven questions…

1) Who is Ava Rage?

She is my comedic alter-ego. She is a stifled city worker trying to find her purpose in life having hit her 30’s with no direction. She has drunk her way through her 20’s and woken up with the mother of all hangovers – but instead of a headache she’s got a maxed out overdraft, successful friends, and non-stop Destiny’s Child’s ‘Survivor’ ringing in her ears.

2) What was the last thing you bought?

Erm… hang on let me just consult my banking app. Ah OK this is a bit embarrassing but I’ve bought two wooden wine boxes off Gumtree that I’m going to upcycle into side tables. This is what Pinterest has done to me!! I’m an upcycler!! Eugh. But truthfully, I’ve never fully grown out of my Blue Peter/Art Attack phase. I remember making a table as a kid out of a cardboard box and empty coke bottles.

© Karla Gowlett

3) Who is your least favourite person?

Traffic wardens. I recently had my car towed and its still pretty raw. They are completely evil and unnecessary human beings. The fact that they exist destroys my sense of hope in humanity.

4) What is the most testing thing about live performance?

The unpredictability of audiences I guess. You can NEVER tell what they’ll be like. I’ve had girls my age in the audience and I think ‘these are my people, this is gonna kill!’ then they sit and stare at me like I’ve just pooed on stage. Then I’ve had middle aged men guffawing and snorting beer up their noses at my material.

5) What are your priorities while on stage?

Appear in control, try not to spit on the front row, and don’t say ‘yeah so…’. I record the audio of all my sets and when I’m doing newer material I have a tendency to say ‘yeah so…’ way too much and its unbearable to listen back to.

6) What thing in life are you most looking forward to?

Being in the moment. Not waiting for my life to start but being totally happy with where I am, wherever that may be. Any day now.

7) If you had to be a different comedian, who exactly would you be?

A specific person? Probably Tig Notaro. She is so totally understated and deadpan but razor sharp. I wish I could have that kind of persona on stage.

For more information, visit Lorna Shaw’s website and follow her on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Kai Samra

Leave a Comment
Kai Samra is a stand up comedian from Birmingham, who began his career in 2016. With an easy-seeming confidence on stage and a Birmingham Comedy Festival Breaking Talent Award under his belt, this comic is set for success.
To find out more about Kai, I asked him these seven questions…

1) Who is your stand-up comedy influenced by?

I could pretend to be cool and reel off some niche comedians that no one’s ever heard of but if I’m being honest my favourite comedians are Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle and Bill Hicks.

2) What was the best thing about winning the Birmingham Comedy Festival Award in 2017? 

Getting to perform at the Glee, meeting the other finalists and last but not least getting a big hamper of Edinburgh Gin (which helped me get through the horrific Megabus journey back to London that night at 2am).

3) Is adrenaline your friend or enemy?

It’s more of a friend that I always hang out with but secretly hate. I always feel the more nervous I am, the better I perform but the anxiety I feel beforehand never gets easier.

Kai Samra

4) Where is your favourite place to be?

My local pub with mates.

5) Is performing in Birmingham different than performing in other parts of the country?

Definitely. I always feel at home in Birmingham and can just go off on tangents about local places that people are familiar with. Snobs, Bullring, Handsworth. Playing in front of Birmingham crowds always seem more like I’m having a conversation with mates in a pub than on a stage performing.

6) What topic do you wish you were more clued up on?

Politics. There’s been countless times I’ve been in social circles where the conversation has turned to politics and I’ve had to shut up, smile or make an early exit.

7) What would you choose to eat for your last ever meal?

A KFC Wicked Tower Zinger Meal with gravy, mayonnaise and a large Pepsi (other fast food meals are available). I’m now vegetarian but it’s the one thing I massively crave sometimes. I’m pretty sure with the bloated feeling I’d get after eating it as well, I’d be welcoming death with open arms.

For more information, follow Kai on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Josh Pugh

Leave a Comment
Josh Pugh is a stand up comedian from Warwickshire who has had surprising success for someone whose comedy career has only quite recently begun. He won the Birmingham Comedy Festival Breaking Talent Award in 2015, as well as English Comedian of the Year in 2016, which goes to show that this quirky comedian has an extremely promising future ahead of him.
I asked Josh these seven questions to get to know him better…

1) Where do you wish you were right now?

Summer.

2) What makes you who you are?

A combination of genetics and life experiences. I’ve spent so long thinking about who I am that I think that has actually become my identity. The guy who doesn’t know who he is.

Josh Pugh

3) Who would you never want to perform in front of?

I would hate to perform to anyone who thinks that photo booths at wedding’s are hilarious, I have nothing that will entertain those people.

4) What would be the best thing that could happen to your comedy career?

Probably someone giving me lots of money, I could just do the gigs I wanted to do and it wouldn’t matter if I died horribly, I could still afford to eat. I would also like to wake up tomorrow and be able to impressions. I can only do one other voice and that is an impression of the man who works in the garage near me and unless he gets really famous its a pretty useless impression to be able to do.

5) If you’re ever feeling unmotivated, what is it that kicks you into action?

Honestly I never feel unmotivated when it comes to comedy, to me it’s fun and I like having fun. I sometimes feel unmotivated to socialise and so just don’t. I completely give in to that feeling, I think its my brain’s way of telling me I need to chill out for a bit.

6) Do you often fall out with people?

Never, I hate it. It eats me up if I feel like I’ve annoyed someone even slightly. I wish I could fall out with people more, for years I’ve kept people in my life who I don’t actually like.

7) What do you wish you’d never learned?

Do you know that dogs can smell you after you’ve gone out and that smell fades and it makes them miss you? That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, I hate leaving my dog now.

For more information, visit Josh’s website and follow him on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Samuel Lloyd

Leave a Comment

© Sarah Breese

MoodyComedy hasn’t posted a ‘Seven Questions With…’ interview since May 2017, and seeing as 2018 is now well and truly underway it seemed about time for a revival of the feature. Sam Lloyd, a comedian from Newport, has recently begun performing previews of his latest stand up show, Piñata. This comic is fresh-faced, endearing and ambitious, and is always unafraid to approach challenging topics with charismatic ease.
I asked Sam these seven questions to get to know him better…

1) Did you begin performing stand-up comedy during university, or before?

I started stand-up when I was 17, still in school and still kind of stupid. I wanted to start as soon as I had seen my first gig. I instantly thought I WANT TO DO THAT AND STRAIGHT AWAY PLEASE. My first gig was in a foyer of a theatre in Newport and nearly 7 years later, here we are.

2) Are you good under pressure?

I think I’m good under pressure, but I put myself under pressure too much. Whether it’s getting nervous before heading on stage, or leaving university assignments to the last day, I guess I’ve learned to manage pressure. With the show, for example, I put a lot of pressure on myself to not mess it up, but that ended up as a motivator to put the effort in, BUT like I say, I definitely shouldn’t stress out so much. Life’s too short and all that.

3) What made you first want to become a comedian?

I think it’s a combo of always loving making people laugh in school, and seeing my first live gig and realising that it’s nothing like TV. I was on a steady diet of Live at the Apollo and Mock The Week and things like that where everything’s heavily edited and slick and accessible, and so when I went to see Russell Kane back in 2008 and realised that it’s a flexible, hectic thing, I loved it so much more. Eventually seeing more and more live comedy got a mental rhythm going, I started writing stuff, and eventually thought “fuck it, let’s give it a go”.

4) When was the last time you disappointed yourself?

The last time I disappointed myself on a not-major-or-life-turning or upsetting scale was basically whenever I last ordered something crappy on a menu. I think the last time was an Italian restaurant in Cardiff where I ordered off a set deal menu and the food was a bit balls. I’m sure this question deserves a much more poignant, self-reflective answer, but that’s what comes to mind for some reason.

I guess that, because I’m lucky enough to have supportive people around me a lot of the time, I’m not allowed the chance to feel disappointment in myself for too long. So yeah. Pizza compromises is my answer.

5) Where is your favourite place in your hometown?

I think the obvious answer is my home in Rogerstone, particularly since I’m there now and it’s Christmas and everything’s bright and decorated. I’d probably say Le Pub. The owner and staff at this music venue are brilliant, resilient, and always lovely, and they’ve made a real effort for many years to provide a platform for upcoming local comics. Anyone swinging by Newport should pop in for a pint and check out upcoming gigs there. No, this isn’t a sponsored message, I just really like them.

6) What’s the most impressive thing about Sam Lloyd?

My fingers are double-jointed.

I don’t know if there’s much that’s impressive about me to be honest. With everything I do, especially comedy, there are so many people I admire and look up to that my endeavours kind of pale in comparison. It would be lovely to be impressive in the future, and impress people, and have people go “ah yes very impressive Sammy go you here’s a kitkat chunky” but I’m very happy being the one looking up at the moment.

7) Is the comedy industry a rewarding one?

I think people know what they want out of it. Whether it’s making money, making shows, touring, making it to certain stages, I think there are plenty of rewards in stand-up, but it’s about being open to them. It’s easy to be negative because the crappy things that happen feel particularly crap, but when you have a nice gig, or write something you’re proud of, or make it in a certain way, it feels amazing.

For more information, follow Sam Lloyd on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Princes Of Main

Leave a Comment
Princes Of Main are a comedy sketch group made up of award winning comedians and writers Ben Pope, Alex MacKeith and Jamie Fraser. They also host a monthly free new material night in London called Crazy Science Stupid Magic, showcasing stand up, character and sketch comedy from a wide range of names on the UK comedy circuit. The Princes will also be returning to the Edinburgh Festival this year with another hour of absurd, fast-paced fun.
I asked Princes of Main these seven questions to find out more about them…

1) How did you feel when you woke up this morning?

BEN: Relieved. I watched Pride and Prejudice and Zombies last night and I had nine straight hours of premium nightmares.

ALEX: I felt neat and okay.

JAMIE: I have a wisdom tooth coming through so I woke up feeling achy, tender and like I was wearing a face two sizes too large for me. Other than that, tip top.

2) Jelly Babies or Jelly Beans?

BEN: Jelly Babies are better than Jelly Beans. No question. But I’d still take Jelly Beans over an actual baby.

ALEX: Honestly, gutted that they’ve gone their separate ways because we three would often sit down for hours on a Monday knocking back alternate JBeans and JBabies (as we abbreviated them; we didn’t have time for the whole names — you wanna eat them, not say them!) If that’s the way it is I will abstain from both parties until they work it out. JBean/JBaby relations have frosted before and always thawed. It’s not worth falling out over. But I know exactly how Ben will feel about this, and I will not be the one to tell him.

JAMIE: Jelly Babies are fantastic, I wish I had some now.

© Princes of Main

3) Do your sketches tend to develop or stay the same each time you perform them?

BEN: They always develop. We have short attention spans so too much repetition makes Jack a dull boy. New lines, new delivery, new voices constantly refresh old stuff or else it goes stale like milk or Kiefer Sutherland.

ALEX: They change considerably. You’ve got to change things up or Jamie gets incredibly, incredibly angry with you. If Ben had his way we’d hone and whittle until the sketch was just one syllable long. We actually cut the syllable-long sketch in the end because of time constraints. But I never have any regrets when we lose a line or a character or a joke. I’ve got them all right here.

*Points to head, then heart, then to notebook full of lines, characters and jokes.*

JAMIE: I think this has changed for us the more we have written and performed together. When we started out doing shows together, we had a sort of maniacal attitude to the actual writing of sketches, with very little left to be figured out in the moment. Call it being more relaxed or just laziness, but now we’re much happier to try a sketch with only vague idea of what might be funny about it, or even where it will go. From there, you see what gets a response and go back to the original idea, altering according to what felt best about it. That gradual erosion through the gentle lapping of positive and negative feedback eventually results in the sketch ossifying into a fixed state. If you’re lucky, this final frozen form is both Good and Funny and you can charge money for it at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

4) Who do you find the most annoying out of the three of you?

BEN: Oh, it’s a dead heat. We’re all insufferable toilets.

ALEX: Alex?

JAMIE: Myself.

5) How do you think you will die?

BEN: Google ‘La Grande Bouffe’. Ideally that.

ALEX: Too much love.

JAMIE: I’d like to say something dramatic but it’s almost certainly going to be a prolonged John Donne-style malady.

6) What makes you feel as though you have your life together?

BEN: The split second when I wake up before I remember everything.

ALEX: I don’t know if you’ve heard of a little book called The Holy Bible?

JAMIE: My slow cooker.

7) What’s the best thing about your audiences?

BEN: The thing I love absolutely love the most about our audiences is that sometimes they turn up.

ALEX: Their undying patience.

JAMIE: I wouldn’t want to generalise, but our shows are usually at their best when the audience enjoys seeing us mess up as much as they enjoy seeing us succeed. This is a lovely thing to experience as a performer and I’m grateful when it happens. Our audiences also tend to have an ineffable sexual charisma which makes them irresistible to friends, coworkers and strangers alike.

Tickets for Crazy Science Stupid Magic are available here. All proceeds go towards Parkinson’s UK. You can also follow Princes of Main on Twitter.

Seven Questions With… Jordan Brookes

Leave a Comment

Jordan Brookes

Past Comedian of the Month Jordan Brookes is a stand up comedian whose self-assuredness onstage contrasts interestingly against his softly spoken delivery. Jordan is a calm and thoughtful comic, with material that often borders on performance art. His comedy is a lesson in unpredictability and he plays with the time constraints of narratives which makes for an all-encompassing experience.
I asked Jordan these seven questions to learn more about him…

1) What is it about your character than suits a career in stand up comedy?

A lax work ethic and a litany of failures. No one arrives at comedy all suited and slick, clutching a briefcase full of quips. It’s more like you stumble in wearily, confused as to whether you’re even in the right place.

2) What can you not respect?

Gossip-mongering and fierce business-mindedness when it comes to comedy. Anyone who takes it seriously to the point where their happiness is conditionally dependant on being successful. Wind it in, you creeps.

3) What is the best snack on a cold day?

A steak bake in the bath.

4) When do you feel most accepted on stage?

Probably when I stop trying to control the room and loosen my grip on where the laughs are coming from.

5) Are you more passive or aggressive?

Aggressive. There’s a rage that lives in my face like a rat, occasionally scuttling past the eyes for all to see.

6) When was the last time you were confused?

Whenever I last went on Twitter and saw people pretending to drink liberal tears. That just doesn’t sound healthy. It’d be like drinking the ghost of a cup-a-soup.

7) What do you predict will happen this year?

If I was joking around, then I predict the collapse of civilisation. If I was being serious then I’d have to say the collapse of civilisation.

For more information, follow Jordan Brookes on Twitter

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Eddy Brimson

Leave a Comment
ed_press2_lrg

Eddy Brimson

Eddy Brimson is a British stand up comedian and writer with a likeable ‘every man’ demeanour. Very much a crowd pleaser, Brimson effortlessly gets large audiences on side through his surprisingly chipper comedy style, despite the initial stern impression he gives.
I asked Eddy these seven questions to find out more about him…

1) What motivates you when writing comedy?

Ohhh that’s a hard one. Jokes are hard to come by, you’ve seen my set. I suppose what motivates me is not wanting to get bored. I usually wait for something to happen but you’ll be surprised how dull the journey to a gig usually is.

2) What is the perfect weekend for you?

Watford FC and Hemel Hempstead Town FC both winning and L*t*n Town (I refuse to write their name) losing. I love chips, and so chips. No vinegar. Work is always fun. Although it’s not really work is it? Not like being a nurse, a fireman or the bloke selling helium balloons to kids in the high street. That’s a shocking job. It’ll only end in tears. You think he is selling happiness but in reality he knows that balloon will either fly away, pop or deflate. How he sleeps at night I’ll never know. I bet it’s not on a helium filled bed. Arsehole.

3) What is your worst nightmare?

The reverse of the above… but without the balloon bit. I haven’t got kids so I don’t really care.

4) What is your best feature?

My best feature is without doubt my ability to listen. Well that’s what I’ve been told. Well I think that’s what she said. Boooom… I’m here all week. Seriously, I’m here all week, I’ve not got the bus fare home.

5) What’s your favourite type of biscuit?

I’m a huge fan of the chocolate Bourbon. When I was a young man out looking for love with my mates a friend of mine used to tell girls his dad invented it. You’d be surprised how many Bourbons we would eat whilst alone together. Sad days.

6) What is your attitude towards winter?

I loooove winter, it’s brilliant. Apart from the gigs where you get the office parties with the joker from work who will always try and outdo you. The pissed up manager that everyone hates but who’s trying to be everyone’s pal. The huge groups of teachers and coppers who are without doubt the worst behaved people when out in a pack. People pulling crackers just as you deliver a punch line and the angry lads who really just want to see how far they can get with the girls from accounts whilst you as an act are just getting in the way.

Apart from that, yeah I really like the winter.

7) What do you want to achieve?

My dreams were shattered long ago when my hair fell out. You can’t sell shampoo with a head like this. And I loved that market stall. As far as comedy is concerned, well that’s a hard one. I just want to get better so that one day, one day I too can get that hair transplant.

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT EDDY BRIMSON’S WEBSITE

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Seven Questions With… Luke Heggie

Leave a Comment
Luke Heggie is an Australian stand up comedian who speaks with a hilarious blend of passive rage and cynicism. Heggie’s comedy reflects the various elements of life that he has to juggle, being a husband and father as well as a builder by trade and a comic by night. So it’s understandable that there are countless people that get on his nerves, and he isn’t afraid to tell us about them.
To learn more about Luke, I asked him these seven questions…

1) How does your day job affect your writing?

I work on building sites, so there’s no shortage of dickheads to write about. It’s a job I can walk around thinking about other things, muttering to myself, and generally working in my own head. It hinders me because I’m buggered by the time I get home, and have to force myself to stay awake to either go to a gig or write a bit.

2) What worries you? 

Death by violence. I don’t too much care about anything else. If I manage to stay alive, I can feed my family, and I live in a country where it would be somewhat of an achievement to starve to death.

© Danny Aarons

© Danny Aarons

3) Are you open to change?

No. I don’t like change, unless it directly benefits me and no one else.

4) What do you wish people would stop doing?

Cross-breeding poodles just to create a cutesy name for dogs. Crunching passionfruit in their teeth. Wearing those shoes with the stupid separate toes. Putting on hats that ride low on the skull so they can tuck their ears in. Despite being an adult, getting offended (usually on someone else’s behalf) at someone like me swearing. I come from swearing. Serving up tomatoes at a dinner party with the corks still in, and expecting me to eat them. Searching vigorously for a cause to align themselves with in order to self-promote, riding mobility scooters at peak shopping times, using tissue box covers, putting a cutlery caddy on the table – what’s in your top drawer cockhead? Making a noise when they yawn. Putting one hand up on the wall at the urinal. and telling me what I can and can’t fucking say.

5) Is having children selfless or selfish?

Neither. Depends on the motive. If you preach that the world needs a new leader (like your child will be one day) to guide it through the future, then you’re probably a deluded pikey. If you’re one of those who preach that the world needs less people, then you’re probably infertile, and/or no one wants to be near you, let alone start a family with you.

6) Do you have a guilty conscience?

No I don’t. If I ever did anything wrong I might; I’m not an idiot. But it’s yet to happen that I have done something to feel guilty about. 

7) Does anger ever hinder your comedy or writing?

If I’m angry at someone, I usually just go around and egg their house or car, and the issue is solved. I go for a quick run, and head home to write with a clear head. As a performer, I don’t bang the mic stand indignantly at social injustices, or get angry in general. By the time I get to a stage to say what someone has done to annoy me, I’ve usually settled the vendetta and let it go. I don’t care much for bottling anger. I’m a grown up.

VISIT LUKE HEGGIE’S WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…