Comedy

Seven Questions With… Carl Donnelly

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Stand up comedian Carl Donnelly is rapidly rising in popularity on the British comedy scene with appearances on Mock The Week and Russell Howard’s Good News. As well as this, Carl is also involved in podcasting with fellow comic Chris Martin, which has lead to the duo becoming regular Fubar Radio presenters. Carl Donnelly brings his new show Jive Ass Honky to this year’s Edinburgh Festival.
To find out more, I asked Carl these seven questions…

1) Do you enjoy social media?

I tend to be spending less and less time on social media as am losing patience with people’s behaviour and general obsession with it. I tend to enjoy Twitter during major sporting or cultural events. You can be sitting at home on your own watching the TV but still be part of a group chat about whatever it is that you’re watching. The flip side is that 99% of the time, social media is just a cavalcade of ill thought out opinions stated as facts. Humans naturally have the capacity to be twats but social media gives us a medium to really let that side of us run free.  

2) What character trait do you most envy in others?

Objectivity. It’s rare you meet someone who genuinely can step outside of them-self before forming an opinion. The above answer about social media refers to the 99% of people who can’t do just that. Online is where you see the lack of this trait the most. Everyone is in such a rush to say their piece that they haven’t had enough time to form an informed opinion so what you get is a load of shit they’re spouting in the heat of the moment.  I’m getting better at being more mindful in my opinions but still have the odd blowout where I get my blinkers on and just lose it. I had an argument with a mate in a pub a few months back regarding Ched Evans (the ex-footballer now charged rapist) where I almost got kicked out of the pub because I was shouting about rape apologists. 

3) You’ve performed stand-up on a plane? How did you find it?

It would make the top five list of ‘The most nervous I’ve ever been’. I get really nervous if I do a gig where the conditions are abnormal. In a comedy club or theatre, its set up for comedy so I know what I’m getting into but on the plane, the passengers didn’t know there was going to be comedy until they were boarding and were informed. Then I basically got introduced by the cabin crew about half way through the flight and had to do my set at the front of the plane using the weird phone that they make announcements through. Everything was set up for it to be terrible but weirdly, they got excited that they were part of such a strange experience so we ended up having loads of fun. It’s lucky as if I would have had a bad gig and then had to just sit back down among them, I would probably have stabbed myself to death with a plastic fork.

4) Can you draw?

Not that well anymore. I used to do a lot of drawing/painting/sculpture during my school and college days. I was a very strange teenager in that I was a bit of a wide boy who smoked, drank and shoplifted but also had this weird love of contemporary art. I would bunk off school to hang out at the Tate (this was pre Tate Modern which is now one of my favourite hangouts). I used to go to life drawing classes as well during my late teens so was quite handy at drawing nudes but was the only person in the class who wasn’t a pensioner so just looked like a creep!

5) If you could interview a comedy hero, who would it be?

I think Norm MacDonald would be amazing to interview. He’s one of my all-time favourite comedians but he’s also so funny when he appears on chat shows (and on his podcast which I highly recommend) that I have every confidence that he’d live up to my expectation. His live album ‘Me Doing Stand-Up’ is probably my favourite comedy album.

6) Why are you a vegan?

I got to a point about three years ago where the guilt of eating and wearing animal products was no longer outweighed by the ease of doing so. I made the decision and just tapped out and have felt a million times better mentally and physically since. I was living with a constant feeling of disappointment in myself for continuing to do something I felt was wrong. I was basically making myself feel like shit through sheer laziness. I now feel good and can sit back and enjoy watching carnivores get really annoyed about veganism. 

7) Will you ever get bored of stand up?

I’d like to think I won’t but you never know. Some of my favourite comedians have taken a break at some point despite still churning out great new stuff so it’s obviously not an uncommon thing to happen. I love the process of writing a new show and previewing it etc trying to get it perfect so that cycle keeps me excited and interested. Who knows what will happen if I ever feel like I’ve run out of things to say. Maybe I’ll have to go and get a proper job!

CARL DONNELLY WILL BE PERFORMING HIS NEW SHOW ‘JIVE ASS HONKY’ AT THE EDINBURGH FESTIVAL FROM 5TH-30TH AUGUST

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

Edinburgh Preview: James Acaster – Represent

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James AcasterJames Acaster is quite undoubtedly one of the strangest stand up comedians currently working on the circuit in a way that truly delights any audience who is accustomed to seeing a more regular stand up style. Arriving on stage at the MAC in Birmingham to the sound of To Be a Pilgrim and remaining silent for an uncomfortably long period time, Acaster immediately proved his commanding presence.

What is most remarkable about this comic is his ability to craft a (presumably) entirely fictional story from a few disparate elements. He conceals his observations in make-believe anecdotes, such as eating fortune cookies in the cinema, which gave the show an otherworldly feel despite the events and people within the stories being regular, everyday and (predominantly) earth-based. The personalities in the stories are varied and detailed, and even the specific elements of “celebrity gossip” James includes are unusual to say the least.

He’s a very physical performer, often meaning that he doesn’t always need words at all, his gestures and facial expressions are enough to force laughter from everyone. The constant, erratic movements gave the show an unpredictable feel and James’ intentional jitteriness was reflected in his material as well; he was able to throw in spontaneous lines throughout so much so that some of the funniest moments were completely impulsive ones.

It is easy to see how well-rounded and effective this show will be when it reaches a stage nearer completion, but the amount of love in the room for James was clear and his preview was better than some completed shows I’ve seen in the past. The levels of self-depreciation were somewhat disappointing seeing as James is clearly such a capable performer, but this provided humour nonetheless.  And as an audience, of course, it was nice to be commended for being “useful”.

James Acaster is currently performing preview shows of Represent across the UK and will be taking the completed show to Edinburgh in August.

MORE EDINBURGH PREVIEWS

Seven Questions With… Felicity Ward

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With recent appearances on Russell Howard’s Good News and Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled, Australian comedian Felicity Ward has made quite a name for herself in the UK. She recently presented a documentary called Felicity’s Mental Mission, which explored the stigmas surrounding mental health, and will be performing her latest show What If There Is No Toilet? at this year’s Edinburgh Festival,  where she discusses her experiences with IBS and anxiety.
I asked Felicity these seven questions…

1) What are the biggest difficulties with being an Australian comic when gigging in the UK?

Trying to convince British audiences that I have something to say that might interest them. I feel a lot of them sit there when I walk on thinking, “What could you possibly have to say that will make me laugh. After all, we made you.” Occasionally I get to buck that trend.

2) Are sharks just misunderstood?

That’s a great question and I’m glad you brought that up. In short. Yes. In Long: More people die from choking than sharks, but you don’t see people going on a throat cull do you? I think Jaws did a lot of damage to the “brand”. If Free Willy was a shark instead of a whale, we might have a new generation of shark conservationists. And a lot better shark merch.

3) Do you think that worrying is ever useful?

It’s really good if your goal is to have wrinkles and stomach ulcers. Then you’ve really nailed it. Also some decisions take time to get right: you can’t just waltz up to a buffet and put any old shit on your plate. You need to deliberate. Situation: you’re looking at some buffet prawns, but you realise you’re in a landlocked area. Should you worry about food poisoning? Yes. Should you worry about missing out on discount seafood? Yes. You see? Lot to worry about. It can be very useful.

4) What personality traits make a comedian?

Poverty. Desperation. Some poor parenting seems to help. That’s really it.

5) Do you listen to movie soundtracks?

I bloody love a compilation and soundtracks are the ultimate. Footloose and Blues Brothers soundtracks were the first double sided (recorded illegally from a friend) cassette tape I ever owned. Yes, cassette. Back in the Jurassic period. Big Chill. Amazing soundtrack. Pulp Fiction. Obviously. But I don’t really do musicals.

6) What inspires you?

I’m very inspired by sleep. Sleep, cups of tea, staring out the window, buying individual tracks off a “best of” album knowing full well that Nelly never had 18 hits.

7) What would you tell your younger self?

Stay weird: It’ll give you the basis for a lot of material in later years. Oh, also, you grow into your nose and that undercut is a terrible idea.

FELICITY WARD WILL BE PERFORMING HER LATEST SHOW AT THE PLEASANCE COURTYARD THROUGHOUT AUGUST.

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

TV Review: Nick Helm’s Heavy Entertainment

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© BBC/Ed Moore

While watching the first series of Heavy Entertainment, it became immediately evident that comedian Nick Helm has been given a platform in which he has free reign to create whatever he wishes. This means that he can incorporate all of his skills into one half hour. In this sense, this new stand up/sketch-style show has enabled Helm to prove himself to any sceptic that he is incredibly  multi-talented, with an obvious aptitude for not only comedy, but music, drama and poetry also.

Each episode sees Nick presents a show based loosely around a topic, such as Romance, War and Dreams. He does this with the help of his band, which is made up of Ben Ellis, Ross Power, Jamie Smith and dead-pan comedian David Trent, who is keen to share his hopes and fears with the audience, which has hilarious consequences. His ambitions contrast starkly with the bitter sweet comments of Helm in an interview-style segment, when asked what he dreamt about as a kid. Helm simply replies: “I just dreamt of being happier”. This comment is emblematic of the general semantics of the programme; behind the obvious comedy elements, there is an undeniable darkness present, which makes the whole affair all the more interesting.

On the surface, Nick Helm’s Heavy Entertainment may look like a bit of an angry, multi-modal shambles. Look closer, however, and you will notice so much more. Each and every element is highly crafted, which is made more obvious as the series progresses and certain aspects of the performance are repeated, and Helm successfully incorporates music, poetry and even dance into the whole proceedings, giving the show a cabaret feel. There are sarcastic rants, intelligent jokes and some honestly fantastic songs, as well as multiple tender and emotional moments.

Nick Helm is at the top of his game, presenting a comedy that is both thoughtful and riotously funny. This is true heavy entertainment.

SERIES ONE OF NICK HELM’S HEAVY ENTERTAINMENT IS AVAILABLE TO WATCH ON BBC IPLAYER.

Seven Questions With… Sofie Hagen

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Sofie Hagen is a Danish stand up comic and podcaster. Winning the Chortle award for best newcomer in 2014, Hagen has successfully established herself on the British comedy scene, with her willingness to discuss more personal matters such as mental health and body image. Her podcast Comedians Telling Stuff (which Sofie briefly mentions below) is available online now and she brings her debut hour Bubblewrap to the Edinburgh Festival this August.
To find out more about Sofie, I asked her these seven questions…

1) What is your favourite comedy project that you have been involved in?

I did a sketch with a famous Danish actor called Kim Bodnia in Denmark once. It was all improvised and he tried to kiss me. I think the idea behind that thought was that I was going to say no. But I jumped up on the table that separated us and completely snogged his brains out. He is one of my favourite actors and I was just starstruck to be in the same room as him. Oh, did I mention that he’s 50 years old and slightly looks like my dad? Whenever I see him in a film, I blush. I genuinely feel like we had something. This is why I am not an actor. I would get way too attached.

© Karla Howlett

© Karla Howlett

2) Do you ever wear pyjamas in public?

Way too often, considering that I am techincally an adult. In Denmark, where I’m from, you can barely walk down any street without running into someone you know. Your old science teacher, your ex-boydriend, your dad… And then you meet the next person! I am just kidding, we have surprisingly little incest in Denmark. Anyways, so I moved to London where I can walk for miles (I rarely walk more than a mile) and meet NO ONE. So I started doing my grocery shopping in my pyjamas. The whole lot- two different shoes, only one sock, chocolate on my cheek. And I do not give a fuck. I probably should.

3) What item of food reminds you of your childhood?

Chips of chocolate that has been melted together. When I was a child, our fridge died overnight and what seemed like thuosands of chocolate chips melted into one huge lump that my mother let me eat. She regretted that later on, when I started turning off the fridge on a weekly basis so I could get muyself a big lump of chocolate.

4) Do you enjoy being scared?

No. Why would I? It doesn’t make sense to enjoy being scared. It’s like when women say they love “bad boys”. Why? Why would you? ‘Bad’ means, well, bad. Don’t come crying to me later and be all “Oh, I can’t believe he did this to me!”- really? The fact that he was a bad boy didn’t at all give you ANY clues as to what his future behaviour was going to be like? Scared is the same thing. So no. Because I quite like being very certain that I am not going to be eaten or killed anytime soon.

5) Is podcasting a neglected art form?

As someone who does their own podcast (www.comedianstellingstuff.com), I would definitely say that it IS a neglected art form. Because my podcast (www.comedianstellingstuff.com) is definitely art (www.comedianstellingstuff.com) and everyone should stop neglecting it (my podcast: www.comedianstellingstuff.com) and go to my website (www.comedianstellingstuff.com) and listen to it. Here is the web address: www.comedianstellingstuff.com.

6) Are you a gracious loser?

I was once on a date with a guy and we were being flirty and silly. When we both had to go to the bathroom at the sae time, he said jokingly, “Let’s see who gets back first!” and I ran to the bathroom. I did come back first, but in my desperation to win the little stupid competition, I had torn my underwear into three pieces, trying to get it off quickly- and I had not really washed my hands. So no. I am not.

7) Are you interested in living for as long as possible?

Yes! I want to be one of those old ladies that does not give a fuck anymore. I will be the opposite of what I am now: I will go to the grocery store wearing pink sequin leggings and a crop top and fake dementia and steal lots of stuff. Flirt with everyone, do fetish porn (no one I know will be alive anyways) and learn how to breakdance. Turn off my fridge every week and eat lumps of chocolate.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT SOFIE HAGEN’S EDINBURGH RUN, VISIT HER WEBSITE.

SEVEN QUESTIONS WITH…

May: Comedian Of The Month #16, John Shuttleworth

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Each Comedian of the Month on MoodyComedy is a comic who has never previously featured on the website. Reasons for selection can include various current projects the comedian is involved with, or perhaps recent appearances on television programmes or podcasts. There is no strict criteria however, as Comedian of the Month simply stands as a collection of recommendations, highlighting interesting and original aspects of certain comedians and their work.

This month’s Comedian of the Month is by no means a new face on the comedy scene, but it is only in recent times that I have become aware of his work due to recommendations from family members whose opinions regarding what is funny are ones I greatly respect. Played by Graham Fellows, John Shuttleworth’s first television appearances were back in 1993, where he was a frequent guest on Jonathan Ross’ Saturday Zoo, and since then the comic musician has produced numerous television shows and radio programmes himself, such as his five-series radio comedy: The Shuttleworths.

John Shuttleworth is just a nice guy from Sheffield, South Yorkshire, with his soothing northern tones and shocking ability to compose the most catchy music riffs that will infect your thoughts for days after hearing (“can’t go back to savoury now” is a line that shadows much of my daily life). His performances often border on shambolic, but the character of John is docile enough to ensure the atmosphere isn’t pressured or stressful, leaving the show to become almost childlike, timeless and utterly carefree.

Shuttleworth has a skill for focusing in on the most mundane subject matter and stretching the ideas beyond their natural realms to create incredibly contextualised and detailed narratives within songs. For example, one of my favourite songs of his is entitled Mingling with Mourners, and another (a particular favourite of my family): the tragic story of a man desperate to eat some more shepherds pie despite having already started his dessert, a clear recipe for disaster.

To truly understand what John Shuttleworth is all about, search his name on YouTube and follow him on Twitter.

APRIL COMEDIAN OF THE MONTH

An Open Letter To Buzzcocks

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Dear Buzzcocks,

It was a surprise to hear that one of my favourite television shows had suddenly been axed last week, and though something tells me that we haven’t heard the last from you, I wanted to send you a fond farewell, just incase.

Thank you Buzzcocks for showcasing new talent from the worlds of comedy and music, to name just two, and for supporting artistic intuition in the young, the old, and everyone in between. Thanks for stressing the importance of music in our society over the last eighteen years, and for recognising the relevance of all its forms, from the works of Adam Ant to One Direction, from Scissor Sisters to Dido. You demonstrated how music does, quite literally in this sense, bring people from all different cultures, backgrounds and lifestyles together under one roof, evident in the diverse array of panellists, line up guests and hosts over the years. And yes, thanks even for the hissy fits, the bitchy comments, the storm outs, the smashed mugs. They made for honest, if almost-guilty, entertainment and showed the true effects of throwing so many big personalities together.

Thanks for giving Noel Fielding a platform to show off his interesting sense of style, particularly the time he wore a dress with the clown from It pictured on it, where he was able to protest against Stacey Solomon’s accidental gender stereotyping. For the height difference between Tinchy Stryder and Greg Davies; for Richard Ayoade’s deadpan reading of the autocue; for Adam Buxton’s YouTube comments (or sutin). For Simon Amstell’s cushion; for Dragons Den’s Peter Jones’ pronunciation of ‘N-Dubz’ and for Paul Foot’s energetic interpretation of a traditional Ghanaian dance. And lest I forget that beautiful group rendition of Summer Nights.

From those with bold personalities like Paloma Faith and Russell Brand to the ones who shocked us with their wit and crudeness such as Ed Sheeran and Rita Ora. From James Acaster’s adaptation of the dance to Saturday Night to Lorraine Kelly’s exploding bra. From Amy Winehouse’s declaration that she’d rather have “cat AIDs” than work with Katie Melua to Tony Law’s vuvuzela and lederhosen. From Alice Cooper’s Elvis Presley anecdotes to Bernard Cribbins’ tips regarding how to kill Coldplay’s Chris Martin. From Hughes to Bailey to Fielding. From Lamarr to Amstell to Gilbert. For Phill Jupitus, who only missed one episode out of 262. And for Rhod Gilbert, who so excellently hosted the last series but is unfortunately prevented from continuing due to the show’s cancellation.

It is a regret of mine that I never managed to attend a recording, particularly as I was once invited but couldn’t make it. But I have seen the joys your show has brought to those I know who were lucky enough to see the show live, from those who returned home with a signed watermelon, to the comedians that I consider to be friends who have had helpful career boosts from featuring on the programme in recent years (and rightly so). I think a lot of us owe something to this show. It aided the countdown to Christmas each year and filled the hours, if nothing else. And there were many hours.

So thank you, Buzzcocks. We had fun. I hope to see you again soon.

From Becca (and the rest of us).

Book Review: Ayoade on Ayoade

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Do you like film? Do you like consistent and unwavering sarcasm? Do you too have a “passion for rhetorical questions?” If the answers to any of those (rhetorical) questions are ‘a little’ or ‘a lot’ then you are in for a treat with Richard Ayoade’s debut novel: Ayoade on Ayoade.

© Richard Ayoade

© Richard Ayoade

My first impression from the way Ayoade writes is that he clearly has a lot of self-restraint, for he has a character to maintain. He constantly uses his fantastic humour to avoid personal confrontation, as well as his impressive knowledge of film; it feels as though there is a definite barrier between author and reader. We are assured that this book is not autobiographical, though there are definitely, and inevitably, elements of truth present in the anecdotes and opinions expressed.

However, as the narrative progresses (there is only a loose narrative, as it’s not particularly critical for this almost-Bildungsroman-style of novel), it felt as though Ayoade opened up a little, perhaps accidentally, as he seemed to become more deprecating of his own skill. With statements like: “I’d discovered a director. I’d wrestled a writer. I’d acknowledged a ‘writer'”, it’s hard not to laugh out loud, but it also sends me into despair at the thought of this brilliant artist ridiculing his own achievements. I’ve always known that his comedy persona is very pedantic and silly, and this book fell consistently within that, with additional elements of surrealism and off-beat joke delivery. A peculiar quirk was that Ayoade chose to display a good portion of the text as footnotes, which made me feel sorry for those reading on an e-book.

Ayoade on Ayoade is a fantastic piece of satire that has many layers; I’ll admit that many of the references were lost on me, as I have a very limited knowledge of cinema, but that didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the text. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this witty portrayal of the film industry as it was niche, yet still accessible as well as being very cleverly executed.

“My name is Richard Ayoade and I’m one of the least-respected actors of my generation.”

GET YOUR COPY OF ‘AYOADE ON AYOADE’ HERE

Top 5 Moments… The Fielding Edition

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Yes, I am well aware that we all have a birthday every single year, and though it may not seem it sometimes, Noel Fielding is no exception. Tomorrow, May 21st, marks the 42nd birthday of one of my all time favourite comedians and it seemed only fair to dedicate a post to one of the creative minds that inspired this website altogether, so here are my favourite elements of Fielding’s biggest projects…

5) Luxury Comedy

Dave Brown/Channel 4

© Dave Brown/Channel 4

Luxury Comedy has its fair share of insane moments, with particular favourites of mine including human-shell hybrid, Daddy Push, and that cruel piece of French toast. Series two (which was shown in summer 2014) saw the move of the zany group from their tree-house to a coffee shop on the edge of a volcano in Hawaii, and though many characters also made the transition, various new faces appeared too. For examples, audiences were introduced to the show’s biggest (and apparently only) fan, a Brummie called Terry, played by Steve Oram. Fielding has confirmed that he doesn’t intend write a third series of Luxury Comedy, but many characters have found their way into his new live show, so all hope is not lost.

4)The Mighty Boosh

I think everyone’s favourite Mighty Boosh character has to be Old Gregg (played by Fielding), and it’s not surprising. With his creepy mannerisms (did you see what happened to Curly Jefferson?), yet prevalent sense of neediness (“do you love me?”), its only natural to be wary of this guy, but maybe we all relate to him a bit. Other magical Boosh moments included the arrival of the Crack Fox, Howard Moon’s coconut friend named Milky Joe, and Nanageddon, a pensioner from hell. The Boosh crowd always talk about creating a film, and releasing an album, so we can all cling on to the hope that we haven’t seen the last of this whimsical universe either.

3) Never Mind The Buzzcocks

One of the funniest moments from the whole 28 series of Never Mind The Buzzcocks so far was undoubtedly that time Noel Fielding ripped apart Dappy from N-Dubz. The rap singer apparently seemed to confuse a lampshade with a hair style. Easy to do, I suppose. As it was pointed out by Noel, it’s “not very difficult” to outsmart Dappy, it seems. This may have happened years ago, and I’m sure he’s a reformed character now, but I still reminisce of that encounter on a regular basis. However, the teams on Buzzcocks usually get along very well, particularly when slightly strange guests are present, such as the likes of comedians Adam Buxton, Tony Law, Paul Foot and James Acaster.

2) A Fielding Phonecall

In October of last year, I was given the opportunity to interview my idol for the British Comedy Guide. Noel and I talked about the first few shows of his first live tour in five years, An Evening With Noel Fielding, as well as the reaction to both series of Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy. I also found time to ask the question that not enough people have been asking: what on earth happened to Daddy Push? As it stands, I am a very inexperienced interviewer, but Noel made our chat stress-free and we had a laugh, as well as giving lots of insight into the workings behind the comedy and his plans for the future.

MoodyComedy1) An Evening With Noel Fielding

I went to see An Evening With Noel Fielding in November 2014 at Birmingham’s Symphony Hall. This show is unlike any other; it’s a remarkable spectacle. It’s strange to look back over events and realise the vast expanse between the show’s humble, low-key beginnings with just Fielding on stage, to a mission in a plasticine world with a couple of deluded nitwits riding on a unicorn. I even got to meet Noel, Mike and Tom after the show, which topped off the whole fantastical dream that was this insane evening.

Feel free to join me in wishing Noel Fielding a very happy birthday; here’s to another year of absurdity and childishness, we look forward to it.

Seven Questions With… Malcolm Head

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Malcolm Head is a very interesting performer who has recently supported Paul Foot on his UK tour. His style of stand up is distinctly recognisable with its bursts of poetry, “heckle gaps” and lengthy comic pauses, as is his performance attire which includes his trusty National Trust cap and mysterious rucksack of possessions. His haikus are little insights into an entirely new world, a microcosm of the strange, the dull and the ordinary, all culminated into three lines. He’s concise, he’s unpredictable and he is absolutely hilarious.
I asked Malcolm these seven questions to learn a little more about him…

1) What is your favourite aspect of live performance?

I love being able to be silly for 20 minutes. I’m fairly introverted, and acutely aware of the drudgery of everyday life. And for me, acting like a tit for 20 minutes releases a lot of tension built up by all that drudgery.

I’ve never used the word drudgery before but as you can see, it’s here to stay now. Drudgery. Difficult to rhyme with though. Fudgery? A place where you make fudge?

2) Do you enjoy gardening?

Yes, but I don’t have a garden. But I like the sort of gentle, and slightly pointless, labour involved in gardening. Toiling away all day to remove weeds that just come back. I also get the impression that it’s much easier to just do gardening than it is to just do, say, architecture or engineering. Landscape gardening maybe is more complex, but simply pulling up a few flowers is within the remit of ‘gardening’. 

Also, I don’t like Alan Titchmarsh but I’m not at liberty to explain why. Just trust me when I say, he’s a bad egg.

Malcolm Head

3) Which book do you wish you had written?

All of them. All of the books.

If I had written all of the books then I’d be the only authority on any subject. It’d be great. There’d be no debate over who caused the First World War, for example. I’d just say ‘I know I’ve written 25,000 books conveying various perspectives on who caused the First World War, but I’ve now decided once and for all. It wasn’t anyone really, it just sort of happened. Case closed’.

Also this means I’d have written 50 Shades Of Grey and Gravity’s Rainbow, so I’d not only be loaded but also respected by critics. 

4) Should badgers be culled?

I don’t think anything should be culled and especially not badgers. They just dig about and eat insects. Like kids really. Fantastic.

I do actually think one thing should be culled – members of the House of Lords. A few of them are probably ok but mostly they’re stuffy, miserable, unelected and over-privileged gas-bags. Compare them to badgers and you’ll see it’s a no-brainer. Badgers are neither elected nor unelected – they’re just there. They’re under-privileged if anything. Maybe some are stuffy but overall they’re far better than members of the House of Lords.

5) Are you a good liar?

I’m good at telling white lies, but very bad at telling serious lies. 

So, for example, if I needed to tell someone that a casserole they made was great despite being average at best, I’d be fine. ‘This is a great casserole, Tina’ I’d say, and Tina would believe me. And potentially give me more – this approach can backfire.

If, however, I needed to say ‘we are going to bomb Iraq because they definitely have nuclear weapons’ even though I knew they probably didn’t, I’d have a problem. ‘We are going to bomb Iraq, which is fine because they have nuclear weapons, Tina’ I’d say. But I’d be looking elsewhere and giggling, and Tina would see right through me.

6) What is the best room in the house?

The scullery. I think it’s something to do with a kitchen – I’ve never seen one. But the name is sensational. Imagine bringing a date home and saying ‘this is my scullery’. Wait, scullery rhymes with drudgery! Sort of!

‘So to remove their daily drudgery,
The lovers fought in the scullery’

7) Who do you most enjoy watching perform live comedy?

So many people. Simon Munnery is one of my faves. Gavin Webster is so brilliant – great jokes but with a constant glint of madness, so exciting to watch. There’s a huge amount of fantastic young comedians like Rhys James and Fin Taylor who I love. Daniel Simonsen. Richard Herring. Tim Key. Paul Foot. I also loved Mitch Hedberg growing up.